I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
