Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
