haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
