Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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