Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
