wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
