oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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