Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
