Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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