1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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