brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
