did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
