Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
