I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
