why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
