You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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