i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
