Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
