i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize