i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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