She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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