Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
