it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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