Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize