im about as happy as oj after his trial
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
