Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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