bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
