Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
