How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize