I would go down on you faster than GM stock
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
