I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
