I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
