she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
