he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
