The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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