My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she told me i tasted like america
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
