when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
