Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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