Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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