Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
