My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
