I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
