You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
