He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
