dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
