I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
