You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Randomize
