great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
