While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
