call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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