Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
