I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
