there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
