Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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