***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
