did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
