you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
