Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize