I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
