11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize