she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
