I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My penis needs a shock collar
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
