Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
