very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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