Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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