Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
