Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
