somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
