he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
